Remember YM? Haha, you’re old.
Anyways, it is now time for my bi-annual blog post.
When I was about 14, I got a subscription to Seventeen magazine as a birthday present or a christmas present or a bribe I don’t remember. What I do remember, though, is fondly perusing its pages throughout my formative years…when I was fat and bad at dressing in grunge. This is to say that reading a teen fashion magazine did not make me more fashionable. In fact, it probably gave me lots and lots of insecurity that took about 10-12 years to get over but that is besides the point.
Because just recently, my mom has begun receiving monthly Seventeen magazines. She is 62. I’d be interested to hear her perspective on them, but she doesn’t read them she just gives them to me, because they are addressed to me. I am 32.
Today I read one and these are my thoughts.
1. I have no freaking clue who the hell those people are on the cover. Apparently they are YouTube star vloggers? YouTube stars are on the covers of magazines now? Apparently this is the “social media” issue. Ok. well, whatever.
2. As per the cover, Zoella the YouTube star doesn’t have a perfect life. I’m sure this is very comforting to teenagers everywhere.
3. The story “I Dated a Bisexual Guy” would never, ever have existed when I was of the proper age to be reading teen magazines. In those days teen magazines pretended that LGBT issues did not exist. Brava for progressivism.
4. There is an article profiling a seventeen-year-old male singer/songwriter, the article asks what he is looking for in a girlfriend (because of course).
5. What the hell kind of ad copy is that? First of all, I didn’t think that teenagers were the prime demographic for Sperry loafers, and second of all no one actually wears them to go boating, they wear them to the mall. Also, what the hell does that even mean? Am I missing something clever because I am not a teenager or does this ad just make no sense?
6. This is beginning to look like a regular fashion magazine except that the fashions that are detailed are a lot cheaper. I guess because teenagers are broke. I am also broke and am happy not to look at a $6,000 Marchesa dress as the must-have for Fall. I will get an Aeropostale flannel instead.
7. Cool! These eye makeup looks are way too loud for typical 32-year-olds….. but I am in a band, bitches! so I can (and do) wear all sorts of tacky nonsense. Including drastic purple liner and fuchsia shadow. Score!