Sleep Regressions


While we’re on the subject of babies, because that seems to be the biggest focus in my life right now, I want to talk about sleep regressions.

My friend Avuhduhbuh teases me because I refuse to buy into the whole “sleep regression” thing.

Also, before I begin on that rant, I just need to get this one out.

Curse these types of moms:

Mom I Wish to Curse: “How is your baby sleeping?”

Me: “Good, she did a 6 hour stretch last night and then went right back to sleep after feeding.”

Mom I Wish to Curse: with a patronizing grin, “Well just you wait until the four month sleep regression.”

Me: [Internal dialogue] Well fuck you very much.

But back to the sleep regression thing.

This is why I refuse to believe in sleep regressions. My baby slept for almost seven hours once, then the next day she slept for four, then the next day for five and a half, and then the next two days she woke up every three hours.


Every day is either a sleep progression or a sleep regression. EVERY FUCKING DAY!

So why are we trying to instill terror into new moms by telling them about some momentous four month sleep regression or nine month sleep regression? It will stress them out, which in turn will stress their babies out, which in turn will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Its like getting a shot, right? Getting a shot hurts way more when you know its coming, and when you can see the needle approaching your arm. If you’re distracted and unaware its way less of an ordeal. In that way, shots are like sleep regressions. Distract yourself.

With my first child he went through phases of sleeping longer and then phases of sleeping shorter for basically the first twelve months of his life. Sometimes the phases lasted a couple of days, other times a week or whatever. They did not coordinate to growth spurts, or being four months or nine months or whatever. They just happen when they happen as part of natural development. You can not control it and you can’t predict it (LIKE CHILDBIRTH!) so just give it over to Jesus or Rupaul or Lizzo or whoever you seek spiritual solace from. And get on with your life.

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One Comment

  1. Aviduhbuh
    Posted February 27, 2020 at 11:20 am | Permalink

    Sleep regressions ARE real 🙂

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