On Weirdness


Its hard to find an image that can truly encompass what it means to be weird, but at least that one is entertaining.

Yesterday I went to Bosu Ball class at my gym. Today, I’m sore. They put you on this stability ball and make you jump around and almost twist your ankle a gazillion times, and then you can’t move the next day. The instructor for the class was this cute little blonde girl,  like 19 or 20, and I heard her say to this other girl after class that she really “loved Iggy.” For the splitest of seconds I thought she meant Iggy Pop, and for the splitest of seconds I was really, really pleasantly surprised. I forgot there was a top-40 pop singer out now named Iggy too. I guess it was because I read this book over the summer about the punk scene in the 70s and 80s so the Stooges have more top-of-mind awareness for me.

How totally fucking cool would it have been if this cute, little blond girl who is probably in a sorority and does squats like its nobody’s business also loved Iggy Pop?  I don’t even like The Stooges that much, I just really love it when people transcend the boxes I have a tendency to put them in.

Unfortunately, she didn’t.

I have hipster boxes, manic pixie dream girl/guy boxes,  dumb dude/dudettebro boxes,  smart dude/dudettebro boxes, nerd boxes, punk boxes, transient loser boxes, etc, and rarely does anyone ever surprise me anymore. A lot of the people in these boxes will self-identify as weird. However, most of these people have all the same interest and hobbies you would expect from someone in their respective box, which is not weird. Like, if you’re in a manic pixie dream girl box and you love cat picture books, ceramic figurines and indie rock you’re not fucking weird, you’re predictable. If you wear doc martens when it’s 100 degrees out and collect vintage records, you’re also predictable.

The Point Is: People tend to adopt the style and hobbies/activities of the (counter) culture they want to be associated with. That is not weird. In my experience, the people that are truly, organically weird you might box in as a standard nerd or a dude/dudette bro. You’d never be able to pick them out in a crowd. And they definitely don’t fit in any counter culture box, mainly because those boxes are all about the need to “belong.”  True weird is not about belonging at all, or making a statement, or being perceived in a certain way. True weird has no agenda.

For instance, hands down the weirdest person I’ve ever met is my best friend MattyV. He; obsessively follows entertainment award shows, fantasy football, and Disney World, is startlingly devoid of shame, screeches the hell out of Janis Joplin at Karaoke, and he goes to protests even when he doesn’t know what people are protesting because he likes big groups of people and solidarity.  That description does no justice to the true extent of his weirdness, but the best thing about it is you would never guess by looking at him. His weirdness is organic, hence it doesn’t need to be broadcasted.

Meanwhile manufactured weirdness exists solely to be broadcasted, and is generally not weird at all. Like Bronies. Do you think that all of these dudes discovered a tremendous passion for My Little Pony independently, unaffected by outside influence?  That would be organically weird. However, I’m willing to bet they wanted to be passionate about something, wanted to feel like a part of something, and someone they looked up to was passionate about My Little Pony. Hence, they are now full-blown Bronie, too. To me, thats how counter-culture works. Is that narrow? Bronies aren’t weird, they’re just followers who needed to fill their time, and, I guess, don’t like sports.

No But The Real Point Is: I don’t think that what most people associate as “weird,” is really that weird. What really makes someone weird is that they don’t fit into any box, cliche, or stereotype. But because society is so concerned about fitting in and not standing out, most people are content to find the box they like best and live in it. This is why people are so dull.

Also, I am a misanthrope.



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How to win friends and influence people with cocktails


That is such a baiting headline I’m kind of ashamed of myself but moving on…

We live in the age of Facebook Image Crafting, and because of it people seem to think that the best way to earn respect and admiration is to be perfect. Hence, they plaster their social media feeds with filtered images of their perfect relationships, perfect kids, perfect dinners, perfect pinterest crafting projects, etc.

And dude–I’m all about boosting my self-esteem via social media, so I get it. I mean, who really wants to cop to how fucked up and flummoxing life is? Not I, said the millennial.

But when it comes to earning admiration and respect, you’re doing it wrong. Perfection does not garner admiration, it garners jealousy…which, technically, is admiration but with an added pinch of disdain.

Haters be jealous, but if you want admirers you need to have sparing chinks in your otherwise pristine armor. And you need to draw sparing attention to them, too.

Anyways, I’m writing on this subject because basically I’m just really pissed that people still seem to hate Anne Hathaway. She’s a perfectly acceptable actress, she’s aesthetically pleasing to look at, and she is poised and articulate. And, unfortunately,  just a little too put together to be perceived as “real”.

Anne Hathaway is that frenemy you follow on instagram who is thinner and richer (translation: better) than you, and you really fucking hate her because you want to be thinner and richer too.

You are jealous of Anne Hathaway. You can not relate to Anne Hathaway.

Jennifer Lawrence is that friend you follow on instagram who is thinner and richer but curses regularly, drinks beer and falls on her ass.

You admire Jennifer Lawrence. You are just so sure that you and Jennifer Lawrence would totally be besties if you met.







The irony is that I’m almost certain that Jennifer Lawrence’s persona is more “crafted” than Anne’s. Honestly, I think they’re both pretty chill people with half a brain. The only difference is maybe that Jennifer is more comfortable broadcasting vulnerability in the form of embarrassing herself and seeming a little crass. That’s really all…but  that is also precisely why proper Facebook image crafting requires a willingness to be perfect-ish, and then post a picture of a big coffee or spaghetti stain on your shirt because you spilled. This is the social media version of the “Celebrities! They’re just like us!” column in the tabloids.

I’ve simplified this further with a cocktail recipe below.


An adoring public cocktail:

3.5  parts elegance

1 part total mess.

Serve slightly inaccessible and chilled but, by no means, frigid.

Feel free to substitute soda for elegance and whiskey for total mess. It’s actually quite metaphorical.

Also, this ratio skewers slightly the higher-brow your public function is. Actresses, for instance, are different than first ladies and diplomats, who should probably max out at .5 part total mess. Still, the money’s in the mess, as long as it’s proportionate.

If you have too much mess people will laugh at you (Tara Reid or that friend you have that posts something like this :”That’s it I’m so over it.”).

And…y’know be thankful either way for, like, the gift of life. Whether you’re more high-flying hated like Anne or adored like Jlaw at least you’re not fucking ridiculous like Kristin Stewart.







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Fig 1. Bad law

Fig 2. Bad ad

Last summer when I announced my decision to go on sabbatical from the real world in order to become a full-time law student it was met with understandable side eye. My close friends had known that it was an idea I had been incubating until the right time, but others were pretty stupefied. I had a fairly cushy, work from home if I wanted to,  position, and my clients were pretty cool, which almost never happens. Advertising is not the most lucrative position, but after years of scraping, I was freelancing on the side and was pretty financially comfortable going out most nights of the week.

Law school was such a seemingly unrelated, expensive, potentially useless career move that to some it made little sense. I mean, I was/am starting all over from square one. (Case in point: at the moment I am applying for unpaid internships. I am 30 years old).

Now it’s been a while since I’ve seen square one but its not a bad little place to hang out every once in a while. It tends to bring out the opportunistic idealist in all of us. (Case in point: I am applying for unpaid internships and am not totally hostile at the fact that they are unpaid because of the experience I stand to gain).

However, the further I get into my studies and understanding of the legal profession, the further I am realizing that advertising and law are kind of exactly, 100%, the same, except not. The language is different but the struggles are parallel.

Here is why*:

1. Advertising is primarily a client service industry.

If you don’t make clients happy, you don’t stay employed. In law, if you can’t make your clients happy, you won’t stay employed, either.

2. The billable hours are just as vast.

Christ if I could tell you the hours I used to work when I was a young, upstart account executive. Evenings, weekends, I occasionally even got up super early to get to the office and that is something I am pretty much abhorrently against.

Similarly, from my understanding, once you work at a big corporate law firm you are almost never heard from again.

3. The “work hard, play hard” mentality is thankfully also vast.

Of the people I know that can out drink my advertising friends, most of them are lawyers or lawyers-in-training. Thats a damn tall order too because you should see my advertising friends.

Additionally, never have I attended so many school-oriented functions that were centered around happy hour.

4. You work yourself to death for years to ultimately either make partner or go in-house.


5.  You speak in Greek.

This is a relatively inconsequential similarity, but often times advertising agencies will present concepts for mail pieces or artwork in which the copy is “greeked” in. This tactic is utilized to show the general layout, even if all the information needed to create the copy is not yet known.


Therefore, advertising clients are often actually reading Greek, whereas legal clients just think they are.

Har har har.

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The Carrie Stardust guide to managing your rockstar lifestyle like a responsible adult

By Carrie Stardust

We have a saying in my band. We’re ‘good at life’; meaning that we’re all perfectly functioning adults.

We just really like making music, playing music, talking about music and making fun of each other. We also all have jobs. So it’s kind of a perfect combination of optimum band dynamics.

People are sometimes shocked when we show up to gigs 15 minutes early, ready to go. And then calmly and efficiently pack up all our gear at the end of the set and load the hell out.

HOWEVER. Don’t you think for a minute that this means that I am not a true fucking rockstar.

I go out pretty much every night, with a wide array of musicians, eccentrics and other creative personalities, I don’t have cable, and I can’t remember what day it is most of the time.  Also, notably, I play keyboards and sing in a rock band.

So regardless of what your definition of a rockstar life style is, that’s mine, and I’m living it.

But… health is of the essence…I’m going to be 30 (AHHHHHHHHHHH) in a few months and I don’t plan to spend it looking like Lindsay Lohan. Plus, I need to continue to be accountable, pay my bills on time, and go to the dentist regularly.

So I’ve managed to find a few ways to maximize fun, funds and general well-being, amidst my  life tendency to be broke, hungover and sleep deprived.

Here are those ways:


I’m not super picky about what I’m drinking. You shouldn’t be either.

Lately my go-to has been the City Wide Special which includes a shot of whiskey and a PBR for $3.

That’s 2 drinks for the price of one, people! Also..as far as efficiency is concerned– shots of whiskey will get the job done.


For each cigarette I smoke at night, I eat one serving of produce the following day.

I really don’t eat junk. Like ever. My “empty calories” are saved for alcohol. I try to make everything else that goes into my mouth  insanely nutritious and full of vitamins and minerals.  I don’t know if there’s any scientific evidence that this approach curbs the harmful effects of cigarettes and alcohol but it certainly can’t hurt.

Plus, did you know that people that eat the most fruits & vegetables have the best skin?


I swear by Coconut Water & Emergen-C as the ultimate hangover cure. Coconut water is super expensive, which sucks, so I only get it maybe once or twice every two weeks, but I get the Rite-Aid brand of Emergen-C and drink one of those packets in water every day.

In fact, occasionally I’ll order vodka & water at a bar and then add a packet of Emergen-C to it–this goes back to my checks & balances system.

It hydrates while it intoxicates!


Stay away from them. Not only do they make you look & feel like shit, but they’re mad expensive. I hate to sound like Sally Guidance Counselor and obviously I don’t judge, but mehhh…they’re certainly not conducive to my rockstar lifestyle.


Particularly the produce food trucks. You can get a ginormo bag of grapes, pineapple, melon, berries PLUS a whole banana for $3! Thats 2-3 days worth of breakfasts to me, and something similar at Superfresh would be like seven bucks.

Also, egg & cheese sandwiches are like $2.50 and they’re like 9″ long. More than enough for 2 meals.


I have really expensive anti-aging moisturizer and eye cream. Everything else I get from CVS. So far no one has noticed and I don’t have any wrinkles. I’m fine with this arrangement.


Ok so I don’t floss ALL the time but I know I should and I certainly try to.


Having just come back from a band tour, I can’t stress this enough. Ear plugs serve a dual purpose.  Not only do they protect your ears from really loud, shitty bands in rock clubs, but they also protect your ability to sleep in trying circumstances. Getting enough hours of sleep isn’t the only concern, the quality of sleep can make all the difference, and you never know where you might have to crash.

Ear plugs will keep you from waking up 17 times in 4 hours because your boyfriend won’t stop snoring, or because there’s feral cats outside of your hotel room, or your next door neighbor really likes buzzsawing at 7AM.

All of these things have happened to me, PS.


Well, duh. Not only is coffee the ultimate energy-jolter, it also has mucho antioxidants. In fact, its the #1 source of antioxidants for the majority of the American population.

Occasionally I will grab a Red Bull or something but I try to go natural when I can.


The next time someone invites you out. Even if you’re exhausted, even if you haven’t showered, even if it’s midnight and you just got done unpacking all of your stuff (all of this has also happened to me), GO!

You never know who you might meet!  Your next  Foo Fighters night* could be just over the horizon!

If you have one drink and are still not feeling it. Go home. You have my blessing.

So there you have it…

Hey that’s 10 ways… Exactly..

Ehhh..that’s almost too well-packaged to be rockstar…I need to add another tip….



So lame.

So, so, so lame.


Andddddddddddd I’m off!



*Those spontaneous, incredible nights that remind you that you’re both mortal and still young. They also make you want to sing that song.





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Why I Don’t Lent


Occasionally I write on subject matter that could be construed as blasphemous. If that is not your speed then please stop reading here. Actually no, first hear me out; From a religious standpoint, if God did not want us to question things he wouldn’t have given us the ability to reason. Go ahead and marinade on that for a minute. Now you can stop reading.

Anyways, yesterday my best good friend Miz asked me what I was giving up for Lent.  It was only 25% serious as Miz knows I don’t celebrate Lent, but I told him my thoughts on it anyway:  I don’t believe in sacrifice for sacrifice’s sake. Giving something up purely  to experience suffering goes against my philosophy of making the most of the one life you have. And unless participating in Lent conditions you to be better prepared when you have to actually sacrifice with good reason–say in a fight for survival–(which it doesn’t) it’s absolutely pointless.

Miz’s eyes had completely glazed over by this point, but I’ve never been deterred by this.

I continued; While I don’t believe in superfluous suffering I do believe in overcoming fear. And that overcoming fear begets progress. Meaning that if giving up a reliance on something scares you, it’s probably good for your psyche and long-term mental health to feel like you’re accomplishing something and be proud of yourself.

But by that logic, you’re not suffering at all (which is moreorless the point of Lent, yes?) you’re actually benefitting by gaining more self-worth!

I was now talking only to the wall in the general direction where Miz had been standing previously, but I continued…unrelenting….

AND FURTHERMORE— for the sake of this argument lets say that Jesus Christ died in agony on the cross for all of our past, present and future sins thereby absolving us from similar fates. He suffered, explicitly, so that we do not have to, and isn’t it a big, fat, slap in the face  to not make the most of that?

That’s like me volunteering to go out of my way to get coffee for my entire office, and having a select few co-workers go out and get coffee for themselves at the same damn time–a waste of time and resources, not to mention insulting.

I told you I would borderline on blasphemous.  I can only imagine your reactions to me comparing the passion of the Christ to getting Starbucks, but it’s the only befitting analogy I can think of right now.

Regardless, this is why I don’t do Lent, man

And also, I am presbyterian.




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Stompin’ around the Mall

My summer look:

Key word: MINE. Not for you, so don’t get any ideas!

This past week I went stompin’ around the Mall….twice. I went in search of my summer look, and random other fashion inspiration for the upcoming season.  I love to shop but I don’t get to the mall very often, so the fact that this past week included two trips was unusual…and yet somehow completely unsuccessful.  Would it kill you, Macy’s, to have a pair of   Tiffany-blue, platform, suede pumps that are between 3″ and 4″ high and no higher??! I freakin’ hate suburban malls. This particular suburban mall is better than most, but every time I go it serves as a cruel reminder of how bland people are in the suburbs. What am I doing in the suburbs again? The cities have all the great finds.

Anyways..In my expanse of Mall experience this past week I decided that all the stores had stupid, awful names and I was going to rename them based on what they actually ought to be.

I will do that now.

i.e. FOREVER 34

or…PASTEL PRISON (but hey, arent those the same thing?)


Banana Republic is bland clothes that try really, really hard not to be exceedingly bland. Just minorly bland. Perfect for those up & coming legal professionals.

And then on the other hand we have…

or… CPAs R’ US 

They should just remarket themselves as a uniform depot for numbers-crunching assholes. I mean that’s ultimately what it is, right? Have you ever seen a Brooks Brothers blazer that didn’t look exactly like every other Brooks Brothers blazer you’d ever seen? I haven’t.


Does anyone shop here anymore?  I legit think I saw a tumbleweed blow through here last week.



… I really don’t have any qualms against the Gap. You keep on keepin’ on, The Gap.


I can’t be constantly tempted by cinnamon and buttery awesomeness while trying on jeans! Who designed this concept?

FOREVER 15 – 33

Ya’ll I’m not looking forward to when I have to “graduate” to the Loft. Good thing I still got another 6 years. Seriously where else are you going to find unique, non cookie-cutter items at such a low, low price point? I’m totally going to be like this bitch from Ab Fab and be 65 but claim I’m 39 and rock (around the clock) in my Forever 21 leopard print leggings. GFY.


not to be confused with


Alright I’m bored doing this now. The point is…the mall can be fun.

But not if you actually buy anything there.

Like this? Like this.  

Posted in shopping & fashion, strong opinions | 3 Responses


I could go on a pretentious rant about what constitutes fashion and what doesn’t…but its too hot to sit here writing forever so I won’t.

Just know this:

There is fashion. And then there is suburban fashion. Which is…not really fashionable.

That being said,  most suburban fashion comes from a pretty legitimate place.  For the most part suburban fashion is high fashion, just 3 or 4 years after the fact.

To give you an example, here is a picture of Kate Moss wearing black tights, horizontal nautical stripes, and skinny jeans in April of  2006

Now if you reside around these parts you probably starting seeing a lot of skinny jeans in 2008. Black tights in 2009, and nautical stripes were huge around here last Summer.

That is the essence of suburban fashion. And there is nothing wrong with that.

To clarify, fashion, to me, is decided upon, created and cultivated by those actually employed in the high fashion industry. The best of the best of each season is then critiqued, discussed and covered by trained fashion journalists, modeled and worn by celebrities and other persons of influence and no matter what anyone says, Anna Wintour has the ultimate say.

There, now that we got that out of the way, I’m basically here today to skewer those brands and products that don’t have any basis in real fashion and yet somehow clueless  suburbanites snatch them up like free monogrammed L.L. Bean totes at a little league baseball game.

For instance:

Well…monogrammed L.L. Bean totes, for starters. Or anything by The North Face.

The only fashion statement you are making by wearing The North Face is that you:

A. Have enough money to shell out $150 for a fleece.

B. Spend your free time camping and hiking.

If you’re trying to make any more of a statement than that by wearing The North Face you’re doing it wrong.

But The North Face is quality gear, for outdoorsy types and is not untasteful in the slightest…same with L.L. Bean so I can’t get too caught up on that.

What really grinds my gears are the brands and products (and eyesores) marketed illegitimately as fashionable, and then coveted blindly by misguided naive surburbanites as such.



When have you ever seen a Vera Bradley anything covered by any reputable fashion source? You haven’t. Does Victoria Beckham sit front row at Chanel with her Vera Bradley key ring? Fuck no.

And that is because if Posh and her contemporaries wanted a bag that looked like it was stitched by Betsey Ross and her colonial quilting ilk they’d just invent a damn time machine.

And yet suburb-dwelling women everywhere would wipe their ass with Vera Bradley toilet paper if it matched their favorite print.

That being said, If pastel colors and epileptic-seizure-inducing prints are your thing…fine. But if you’re buying it to be fashionable… it’s not fine.



Everything I said about the pastel colors and seizure inducing prints.

Also.. pink & green.. fucking pink & green… fucking pink & green has thrown up on every single one of your collections since 1986 when pink & green was actually a relevant color combination.

Furthermore, there are only 2 acceptable occasions to wear Lily Pulitzer.

1. To a luau in fiji

2. To church on Easter with your big offensive pastel hat.



This owl purse (which by the way is only slightly larger than my fist) is over $2,000. It will not carry much but by golly you’ll be carrying a bedazzled owl around and what could be better than that feeling?

They infamously made fun of this in a great Sex & The City episode. Carrie Bradshaw didn’t want one either.

Now if someone were to give me one of these as a gift I probably wouldn’t turn it down, but that is because I’ve never owned an accessory that cost over a grand, or an accessory this completely useless!

Now that’s killing two birds with 1 rhinestone.


But hey, what do I know? You keep on keepin’ on suburbanites. If you like ticky tacky accouterment, by all means have at it…

Just know that Anna will be judging you when you meet her at the gates of heaven.

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As decided upon by Carrie Stardust.

Of course I use the word “anthem” in the ironic sense. As anyone familiar with Yacht Rock can attest.

For those of you not familiar with the term, don’t despair. I have only recently come across it thanks to my good friend Shawn Kilroy. Remember all those Soft Rock hits from the 80s that conjure up serene images of putting on your Sperry loafers and taking the yacht out for a spin around the marina with only the latest Bret Easton Ellis, a couple of strippers and an eighth of cocaine to pass the afternoon?


Michael McDonald, The Doobie Bros, Hall & Oates, Kenny Loggins, etc. Get it, got it?

The term yacht rock was coined in 1990 after some music journalist realized that a lot of the songs had nautical references (Sailing by Christopher Cross for example. Which, much like  Your Kiss, Your Kiss, is decidedly NOT on my list). And then back in 2005 there was a web series called Yacht Rock that parodied the whole movement.

So there’s the back story, so without further adieu, I present


#10: “Share Sweet Freedom” Michael McDonald

What the hell movie was this from? The video stars Billy Crystal & Gregory Hines in addition to Michael McDonald and all of his hot & hairy blue-eyed glory. I remember jamming out to this with the wind streaming through my hair riding down the highway in the backseat of my mom’s old Mazda, or whatever the hell she drove in 1986. I was probably in my car seat come to think of it.  Nostalgia, man, its powerful stuff.

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It’s been a minute..(Carrie Share covers The Onion)

I am long overdue for a blog post. Lately I’ve been reading a lot of stories on theonion.com and have decided that I want to write an Onion story. Besides, its a great exercise in navigating the inverted pyramid  and a good reason to dust off the ole’ 2002 AP Style Guide I got in college.

Disclaimer: This is totally made up and  no doubt chock full of egregious errors in geography, lifestyle, and pretty much everything else. Fuck off.

Here goes:

7th Degree of Kevin Bacon almost discovered off remote island in Equatorial Guinea

MBINI, E.G. –  Anthropologists today discovered new evidence in the existence of a still-living 7th degree of  Kevin Bacon in MuonDang ShimShim, 89.  Scientific thought has traditionally maintained that any degrees beyond 6th would simultaneously defy the laws of physics and jeopardize human existence, while discrediting the eponymous party game.

ShimShim is a member of the Ndowe tribe, which habitates primarily on a remote island off the coast of Equatorial Guinea. The Ndowe are  recognized in anthropological circles for their disregard for electricity, running water and access to common comforts of modern life.  Among tribal members ShimShim displays the least social activity and strongest distaste for outsiders.

“We believe it’s a combination of his general misanthropic tendencies and isolation from the developed world that has made this possible,” says Anthropologist Gary Howard, “One might say that it’s the perfect storm of contributing factors.”

ShimShim’s third-cousin’s wife has an acquaintance from a fellow tribe on the mainland that was once visited by a team of American missionaries who entertained them with a production of Jesus Christ Superstar, featuring Margaret Swenson as Mary Magdalene. Prior to joining the missionaries, Margaret worked odd jobs in Los Angeles and once attended a call for extras needed for the movie Hellraiser. She was not used, but did meet fellow extra Daniel Baleen who was eventually also cast as an extra in Ghostbusters, co-starring Annie Potts, who also starred in Pretty in Pink with Jon Cryer, who co-starred with Charlie Sheen on the television series Two and a Half Men, who was married to Denise Richards who starred in Wild Things with Kevin Bacon.

In an ironic twist, once the series of degrees was traced back to ShimShim by American anthropologists he immediately lost two whole degrees after having made their aquaintance.

“He lasted for a long time, though. This story is truly remarkable,” says Howard.

Anthropologists have since given up hope in finding another 7th degree after realizing that upon discovery, it would likely cease to exist.

New Study: 89% of adults world-wide wish to spend more time on a Moon Bounce

OSLO, Norway – Scientists this week released new findings in a world-wide study concluding that a full 89% of the world’s adults would like to play on a Moon Bounce. This evaluation was gathered after a 5 years of random sampling from Norwegian scientists of adults 18 and over from countries all over the world.

“This is an explosive finding in the scientific community,” says Scientist Verneen Bjornface, “To have this many of the world’s adults all in agreement over anything is seemingly impossible. The moon bounce is clearly a very powerful entity and it’s powers are only just beginning to be understood.”

The intrinsic value in the Moon Bounce, according to scientists, is amusement and fun, and while they are often frequented by children, adults tend to shy away out of embarrassment in deriving so much pleasure in a child’s plaything.

“I just hate that I never got a chance to play in one as a kid  and now I’m too old for it. I feel seriously jipped,” says one test subject who chose to remain nameless.

Bjornface and his team hope to change this.

“We believe that the mutual love of these helium-filled inflatable structures could help usher world leaders into a solution for global peace, and forge new alliances with the world’s children.” he said.

His first course of action will be working with city planners to add a stadium-sized adult Moon Bounce to every major world-wide metropolis by 2014.

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I am obsessed with Zombies

Yesterday, from approximately 3pm to 10pm I watched the entire first season of The Walking Dead.

I am now obsessed with zombies, and the pending zombie apocalypse. This morning I took this quiz to see how I might fare. The above image is my result. I guess I am okay with this, although it is not ideal.

It only means I need to be that much stronger and tougher. It’s true that few things inspire me to exercise more than apocalypse-centered programming. It’s also true that I spent yesterday intermittently doing bouts of push ups and sit ups.

Today I am sore, but that much more resilient.

My inspiration is Linda Hamilton in T2–she was one bad-ass  bitch. The only difference between us is her ferocious instinct to protect her son VS. my ferocious instinct to protect my puppy lady.

To give you just a slight idea of the preciousness, here is the puppy lady last Christmas.

She must be protected at all costs.

I’ve already decided I’m going to travel with her in my backpack so I can sprint as needed. Her legs are short. Although she will come in handy when it comes to catching game.

Anyways, this is fun for me to dwell on and it excites my long dormant sense of adventure. But seriously, I have been trying to adapt my eating and exercising sensibilities towards survival. You know, instead of just sedentary pleasure. Humans in the last century or so have had it all too comfortable, and all too easy in a general sense as compared to previous generations. Everything is pretty much conveyor-belted to us a la the humanoids in WALL-E.

And while I have delighted in this for the last 27 years, I have decided not to, anymore, and have thereby come up with a plan to attack (no pun intended) the overabundance of laziness


The Zombie Apocalypse Diet & Fitness Regimen

for Optimum Health & Wellness

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