Oh Hey.
What can happen in three and a half years? Sometimes nothing. However, in looking back on my life, I’m trying to find a three year period in which nothing substantial happened, and well, it hasn’t happened yet. Maybe now that I’m legitimately, like, in my mid-30s WHICH IS STILL NOT MIDDLE AGED THANK YOU VERY MUCH, but a more traditionally “settled” time of life for most people, I’ll live a more settled life.
However, the past three years for me, since I last updated this site, have not been that.
During this time I have:
- Graduated from law school/started practicing law
- Got married
- Had a baby
- Got knocked up again (due imminently with baby 2)
- Moved down South
- Stopped practicing law
- Not blogged
In the next three years I have concrete plans to not move, not get married, not have any more children, and to settle it down with all the change.
I do plan to go back to working as an attorney again. I fucking worked hard for that shit, dammit.
But because of my current condition, which is something akin to this…
working full-time is not really feasible. Plus, in order to go back to a similar job, I have to take and pass the Georgia bar which I can’t do for several more months. Plus, I have to take care of a newborn. Plus, I have to take care of a toddler also who thankfully also goes to daycare some of the time. Plus, we just moved and I’m trying to get as much unpacked and put out of the way before the new baby. Plus, I am also trying to do laundry and clean and cook. Plus, my husband works a shit-ton so I’m on the hook for most of this stuff, otherwise it won’t get done until he retires in 30 years. Plus, even though we just moved, I can barely move, so household chores, especially ones relating to boxes and unpacking them, takes a lot out of me.
But I feel guilty. I feel guilty that for the first time in my adult-post-college life, I am not working full-time. Despite being 300-months pregnant, despite not have a license to work in this state, and despite having just moved across the country for husband’s job with few connections or networking prospects, I feel shame and guilt in not pulling in an income. I am not financially independent.
I am a stay at home mom.
It’s only been a few months, but I am keeping busy by cleaning, going grocery shopping, going to Target and doing laundry, and then repeating the cycle. Except that’s a pretty awful existence, and I still like to engage myself mentally, so here I am blogging again to exercise some creativity.
I have to to remind myself that, even though I have less time for creative pursuits, I am still this person in gold-sequined pants.
Except now they are just covered up by yoga pants.