Author Archives: carrieshare

Stompin’ around the Mall

In my expanse of Mall experience this past week I decided that all the stores had stupid, awful names and I was going to rename them based on what they actually ought to be. I will do that now.

Posted in shopping & fashion, strong opinions | 3 Responses


I’m basically here today to skewer those brands and products that don’t have any basis in real fashion and yet somehow clueless suburbanites snatch them up like free monogrammed L.L. Bean totes at a little league baseball game.

Posted in shopping & fashion | Tagged , , | 7 Responses


Remember all those Soft Rock hits from the 80s that conjure up serene images of putting on your Sperry loafers and taking the yacht out for a spin around the marina with only the latest Bret Easton Ellis, a couple of strippers and an eighth of cocaine to pass the afternoon?


Posted in arts & entertainment, strong opinions | Tagged , , , | 2 Responses

It’s been a minute..(Carrie Share covers The Onion)

7th Degree of Kevin Bacon almost discovered off remote island in Equatorial Guinea

MBINI, E.G. – Anthropologists today discovered new evidence in the existence of a still-living 7th degree of Kevin Bacon. ShimShim MuonDang, 89, is now believed to be the first 7th Degree.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Response

I am obsessed with Zombies

After the apocalypse, when food scarce is you may be forced to subsist on packaged goods and processed pastries. Until then, it is best to do everything possible to fuel your body most efficiently. You’ll want to make sure your vitamin stores are high on Z-Day, because they are only going to get depleted.

You can do this most healthfully with produce, protein, and complex carbs. Together they build muscle, fight disease, and enhance organ function–all vital to survival and thwarting zombies.

Posted in strong opinions, world views | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Responses

I GOT NOTHIN’ (Creepy Alpaca Post)

Since I pretty much have nothing to say because I drank too much this weekend and am significantly stupider I thought we could all have fun laughing at how creepy alpacas are! Love me some alpacas!

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Responses


Today I want to celebrate ideas; The vanguards of invention. The pioneers of progress.  The plural ambiguously symbolic words of other singular ambiguously metaphysical words….I think that’s Thoreau. Ideas are limitless. And like a swift kick in the shins they are best served out of nowhere. Some are big, some are small and also like a […]

Posted in arts & entertainment, Satirical Rant, strong opinions | Tagged , | 2 Responses

Stuff I Hate

And now for another rousing edition of Stuff I Hate. Today’s topics are  “Fascist Cars,” “I’m a Mom’ers,” and “Foie Gras” Fascist Cars I don’t like to be told what to do. I straight-out abhor being told what to do most of the time. So you can imagine my fury at being forced to sacrifice my […]

Posted in arbitrary, world views | Tagged , , | 5 Responses

The Sky Mall Catalog– Escapism for the new economy

Does anyone know of anyone that has ever actually ordered anything out of the sky mall catalog? I certainly don’t. Maybe I should phrase this a different way… Does anyone know of anyone that has ever owned a Lord of The Rings Decoder Pin, a solar paneled pencil sharpener that also records conversations, a voice-activated […]

Posted in arbitrary | Tagged , , | 4 Responses
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