I could go on a pretentious rant about what constitutes fashion and what doesn’t…but its too hot to sit here writing forever so I won’t.

Just know this:

There is fashion. And then there is suburban fashion. Which is…not really fashionable.

That being said,  most suburban fashion comes from a pretty legitimate place.  For the most part suburban fashion is high fashion, just 3 or 4 years after the fact.

To give you an example, here is a picture of Kate Moss wearing black tights, horizontal nautical stripes, and skinny jeans in April of  2006

Now if you reside around these parts you probably starting seeing a lot of skinny jeans in 2008. Black tights in 2009, and nautical stripes were huge around here last Summer.

That is the essence of suburban fashion. And there is nothing wrong with that.

To clarify, fashion, to me, is decided upon, created and cultivated by those actually employed in the high fashion industry. The best of the best of each season is then critiqued, discussed and covered by trained fashion journalists, modeled and worn by celebrities and other persons of influence and no matter what anyone says, Anna Wintour has the ultimate say.

There, now that we got that out of the way, I’m basically here today to skewer those brands and products that don’t have any basis in real fashion and yet somehow clueless  suburbanites snatch them up like free monogrammed L.L. Bean totes at a little league baseball game.

For instance:

Well…monogrammed L.L. Bean totes, for starters. Or anything by The North Face.

The only fashion statement you are making by wearing The North Face is that you:

A. Have enough money to shell out $150 for a fleece.

B. Spend your free time camping and hiking.

If you’re trying to make any more of a statement than that by wearing The North Face you’re doing it wrong.

But The North Face is quality gear, for outdoorsy types and is not untasteful in the slightest…same with L.L. Bean so I can’t get too caught up on that.

What really grinds my gears are the brands and products (and eyesores) marketed illegitimately as fashionable, and then coveted blindly by misguided naive surburbanites as such.



When have you ever seen a Vera Bradley anything covered by any reputable fashion source? You haven’t. Does Victoria Beckham sit front row at Chanel with her Vera Bradley key ring? Fuck no.

And that is because if Posh and her contemporaries wanted a bag that looked like it was stitched by Betsey Ross and her colonial quilting ilk they’d just invent a damn time machine.

And yet suburb-dwelling women everywhere would wipe their ass with Vera Bradley toilet paper if it matched their favorite print.

That being said, If pastel colors and epileptic-seizure-inducing prints are your thing…fine. But if you’re buying it to be fashionable… it’s not fine.



Everything I said about the pastel colors and seizure inducing prints.

Also.. pink & green.. fucking pink & green… fucking pink & green has thrown up on every single one of your collections since 1986 when pink & green was actually a relevant color combination.

Furthermore, there are only 2 acceptable occasions to wear Lily Pulitzer.

1. To a luau in fiji

2. To church on Easter with your big offensive pastel hat.



This owl purse (which by the way is only slightly larger than my fist) is over $2,000. It will not carry much but by golly you’ll be carrying a bedazzled owl around and what could be better than that feeling?

They infamously made fun of this in a great Sex & The City episode. Carrie Bradshaw didn’t want one either.

Now if someone were to give me one of these as a gift I probably wouldn’t turn it down, but that is because I’ve never owned an accessory that cost over a grand, or an accessory this completely useless!

Now that’s killing two birds with 1 rhinestone.


But hey, what do I know? You keep on keepin’ on suburbanites. If you like ticky tacky accouterment, by all means have at it…

Just know that Anna will be judging you when you meet her at the gates of heaven.

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  1. Posted July 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm | Permalink

    Omigod, just looking at Vera Bradley products makes me angry. I’ve never been inside a Lily Pulitzer store and until now, I’ve never even heard of this owl-purse person.

    But I totally agree on all fronts.

    Does Columbia count on that bit about LL Bean and North Face? Cuz I bought a Columbia top and its pretty fracking awesome.

  2. KCo nee Dubs
    Posted July 25, 2011 at 4:37 pm | Permalink

    This post makes me sad. Your blog aspires to communicate independent analysis and unique critiques, but all this does is show that there’s no appreciation for people who might legitimately enjoy these so-called sub-fashion products. Suburban fashion might be further behind than Africa’s wireless networking capabilities, but at least you won’t see a soccer mom wearing a fucking “fascinator.”
    I still love you Car9rie. But I also love my highly functional Vera Bradley duffel that not only holds exactly as much as I need for a weekend, but is washable and bright and doesn’t depress me to pack. Which I bought for those reasons- not because a 2007 issue of Marie Claire (ok, ok, a 2007 issue of W) told me to.

  3. carrieshare
    Posted July 25, 2011 at 5:05 pm | Permalink

    Actually I did address just this point in my blog in regards to your Vera Bradley duffel:

    “That being said, If pastel colors and epileptic-seizure-inducing prints are your thing…fine. But if you’re buying it to be fashionable… it’s not fine.”

    Clearly you can tell from my language that I am not a Vera Bradley fan, but if it suits your tastes and aesthetic preferences, more power to you. However, more often then not I feel like people buy these products because of the supposed de rigeur statement they feel it makes.

    This blog post, in general, merely seeks to bring to light the products assumed by the general public to be fashionable but upon further inspection have little to no relevance to fashion (as per my definition) in the slightest.

    And it’s because I do appreciate uniqueness and independent analysis that when people buy these products solely to be fashionable it irritates me especially because
    1. They’re not *actually* fashionable
    2. Nor are they unique

    In the broad sense basically I just want people to buy & wear what makes them happy (fascinators included), OR if they wish to make a statement by buying & wearing what is en vogue, to make sure they are getting their info from a reputable source– like in “Vogue.”

    AND FURTHERMORE “THIS BLOG POST MAKES ME SAD” ???? Bitch imma cutchu…thats a bit of a dramatic overstatement, although I know you are quite sensitive, especially when it comes to episodes of The OC, I certainly hope this blog post does not actually make you sad. Oh and Come visit me.

  4. carrieshare
    Posted July 25, 2011 at 5:07 pm | Permalink

    Oh and AMY wear your columbia with pride!

  5. KCo nee Dubs
    Posted July 25, 2011 at 8:10 pm | Permalink

    Don’t pretend the pass-agress quote above is really an acknowledgment of personal taste in fashion! Sounds kinda judgy for a suburbanite who once wore green sweatpants on the daily… (coming from one who wore Betty Boop T-shirts just as regularly- but, hey, she was an anti-feminist icon so shutupaboutit).
    What makes you assume these women buy the aforementioned merchandise to make a statement? With the exception of the Owl purse, whose statement is clearly that of “I read Carrie’s penultimate blog post (about owling, see).”
    And yeah I’m a bit emotional ever since Lindsay was exposed as Caleb’s illegitimate child (I’m only on Season 2…tryna pace myself…evehday).

  6. Jane
    Posted January 14, 2013 at 6:31 pm | Permalink

    I HATE everything you listed also. It’s your blog so if you want to shit on horrible “fashion” go right ahead and do it and if Suzy Homemaker ( because those are the only people who wear VB bags) and her ugly Vera Bradley doesn’t like it -that’s too damn bad. Every time I see a girl with a Northface, Uggs, and a Vera Bradley bag a little piece of me dies.

  7. Tara Phillips
    Posted August 8, 2013 at 4:08 pm | Permalink

    Great blog – Totally well said – not only is it foul chinese quality – the paterns are vulgar in the extreme – it is synonymous with overweight bovine midwest American pussy whipping Janes that have no confidence for individuality and have a complete lack of taste and self respect!

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