My summer look:

Key word: MINE. Not for you, so don’t get any ideas!

This past week I went stompin’ around the Mall….twice. I went in search of my summer look, and random other fashion inspiration for the upcoming season.  I love to shop but I don’t get to the mall very often, so the fact that this past week included two trips was unusual…and yet somehow completely unsuccessful.  Would it kill you, Macy’s, to have a pair of   Tiffany-blue, platform, suede pumps that are between 3″ and 4″ high and no higher??! I freakin’ hate suburban malls. This particular suburban mall is better than most, but every time I go it serves as a cruel reminder of how bland people are in the suburbs. What am I doing in the suburbs again? The cities have all the great finds.

Anyways..In my expanse of Mall experience this past week I decided that all the stores had stupid, awful names and I was going to rename them based on what they actually ought to be.

I will do that now.

i.e. FOREVER 34

or…PASTEL PRISON (but hey, arent those the same thing?)

i.e. SURELY THESE SLACKS WILL HELP ME MAKE PARTNER

Banana Republic is bland clothes that try really, really hard not to be exceedingly bland. Just minorly bland. Perfect for those up & coming legal professionals.

And then on the other hand we have…

or… CPAs R’ US 

They should just remarket themselves as a uniform depot for numbers-crunching assholes. I mean that’s ultimately what it is, right? Have you ever seen a Brooks Brothers blazer that didn’t look exactly like every other Brooks Brothers blazer you’d ever seen? I haven’t.

GHOST TOWN

Does anyone shop here anymore?  I legit think I saw a tumbleweed blow through here last week.

THE GAP

… I really don’t have any qualms against the Gap. You keep on keepin’ on, The Gap.

FUCK YOU AND YOUR SMELLS

I can’t be constantly tempted by cinnamon and buttery awesomeness while trying on jeans! Who designed this concept?

FOREVER 15 – 33

Ya’ll I’m not looking forward to when I have to “graduate” to the Loft. Good thing I still got another 6 years. Seriously where else are you going to find unique, non cookie-cutter items at such a low, low price point? I’m totally going to be like this bitch from Ab Fab and be 65 but claim I’m 39 and rock (around the clock) in my Forever 21 leopard print leggings. GFY.

THE GAP…FOR HIGH CLASS CALL GIRLS

not to be confused with

HO NAVY

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Alright I’m bored doing this now. The point is…the mall can be fun.

But not if you actually buy anything there.

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